Masking is a survival mechanism employed by neurodivergent individuals to navigate a world structured for neurotypical norms. While it can help individuals fit in, masking often comes at a significant emotional and mental cost, highlighting the need for greater understanding and support.
Introduction
I remember getting ready for a dance recital as a child. Nervous about performing in front of a larger-than-expected audience and feeling unsure about my routine, I confided in my mom. Her response was simple:
“Just put on a happy face and no one will notice if you make a mistake.”
Her words, though well-intentioned, planted a seed. The idea that I could hide my struggles behind a smile became a recurring theme in my life. Little did I know, it marked the beginning of a lifelong habit of masking my authentic neurodivergent self.
This article will explore what masking is, why it is common among neurodivergent individuals, the costs and dangers associated with it, and steps you can take to reduce or remove masking tendencies.
What Is Masking?
“Put on a happy face” is advice my mom likely inherited from her generation, where the song Smile by Nat King Cole encapsulated this idea. The sentiment of hiding sorrow or socially “unacceptable” emotions is pervasive in Western culture. While this might resonate with neurotypical individuals to a degree, masking for neurodivergent people goes far beyond hiding one emotion.
Masking for individuals with ADHD or autism involves suppressing or altering natural behaviors to conform to societal expectations. It’s not just about hiding a single feeling; it often means concealing significant aspects of their identity. Masking becomes a tool to navigate a world that often misunderstands or stigmatizes neurodivergence.
Why Do Neurodivergent Individuals Mask?
The desire for acceptance and the need to “fit in” are universal human experiences. However, for those with ADHD or autism, the sense of not being “normal” can be overwhelming—especially for those who are late-diagnosed or self-diagnosed. Growing up, I often felt like an outsider, and was often deeply uncomfortable around people. Until I learned to curate my personality to fit in with those around me. Masking, for me, became a way to survive, to make necessary and needed social connections and friendships.
I first learned to mask in an emotionally volatile household. Suppressing emotions to navigate interactions with adults became second nature. This “skill” translated easily into school and later into my professional life. My “teaching persona” became a carefully crafted version of myself—a blend of authenticity and performance designed to ward off rejection. Yet, beneath the mask, I felt increasingly disconnected from my true self.
The Costs of Masking
Masking demands immense emotional and physical energy. Continuously hiding, adapting, and covering up your authentic self takes a toll, often leading to burnout. One of the most significant dangers of masking is the inability to recognize personal limits. Masking creates a cycle of overextension, where the line between capability and exhaustion becomes blurred.
When I was teaching, burnout was a regular part of my life. Each semester, I pushed myself to meet grading deadlines, working through exhaustion to maintain job security as contingent faculty. By winter break, my body would give out, leaving me sick and unable to enjoy the holidays. It wasn’t until my ADHD diagnosis that I began to understand how masking had contributed to this cycle of burnout.
Masking doesn’t just deplete energy—it can erode your connection to your feelings and identity. Over time, the disconnection from my authentic self became one of the main reasons I chose to leave higher education altogether.
How Does Masking Differ Across Individuals?
When I was first diagnosed with ADHD, I didn’t believe I masked at all. It took deep self-reflection to recognize how performative much of my identity had become. My mask not only stole my energy but also distanced me from my emotions and joy. It’s a shocking thing to realize at almost 50 years old I didn’t really know who I was or what I wanted.
Just as neurodivergence exists on a spectrum, so does masking. For some, masking is a conscious effort to hide traits that might make others uncomfortable. For others, it’s an unconscious habit. Many neurodivergent individuals feel they can’t function without some level of masking, driven by societal pressures to conform. The result is a widespread, yet often invisible, struggle to balance authenticity with the need for acceptance.
Why Understanding Masking Matters
Masking may help neurodivergent individuals survive in a world not designed for them, but it comes at a significant cost. Greater awareness and understanding can pave the way for inclusive environments that reduce the need for masking. By fostering acceptance and creating safe spaces, we can help individuals unmask and live authentically.
For those who mask, the journey toward self-acceptance and unmasking begins with small steps. Surround yourself with supportive people and take time to explore your authentic self. Understanding masking is the first step toward breaking free from its exhausting grip.
Conclusion
Masking is a nuanced and deeply personal experience for neurodivergent individuals. By shedding light on its causes, costs, and variations, we can foster greater empathy and create a world where no one feels the need to hide their true self.
If you’re new to unmasking: Trust that your journey will likely be a long one. Moving away from a performative version of yourself will take time, trust, and a lot of self-empathy. The process isn’t always perfect, accept the moments when your mask snaps back into place, or you need to piece a piece or two up off the ground, and lean into being more vulnerable.
Those who love you will love seeing your authentic smile and will delight in your joy.
Key Takeaways:
- Definition of Masking: Masking involves suppressing or altering natural behaviors to conform to societal expectations, often at great personal cost for neurodivergent individuals.
- Reasons Behind Masking: Many neurodivergent people mask to navigate societal pressures and seek acceptance, especially in environments that stigmatize their authentic selves.
- The High Costs of Masking: Masking can lead to burnout, emotional disconnection, and even health issues, as individuals overextend themselves to fit in.
- Individual Experiences: Masking varies across individuals, with some consciously masking while others do so unconsciously, often at the expense of self-awareness and authenticity.
- Steps Toward Change: Understanding and reducing the need for masking requires creating inclusive, empathetic spaces and fostering acceptance of neurodivergent traits.
References
- Cook, J., Hull, L., Crane, L., & Mandy, W. (2018). “Camouflaging in autism: A systematic review.” Clinical Psychology Review, 64, 22-36. Link
- Godfrey-Harris, M., & Shaw, S. C. K. (2023). “The Experiences of Medical Students with ADHD: A Phenomenological Study.” PLOS ONE, 18(8), e0290513. Link
- Huang, Y., et al. (2024). “Relationship Among Social Support, Internalized Stigma, & Work-Related Quality of Life in Women With ADHD.” The American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 78(Supplement_2), 7811500216p1. Link
- Hull, L., Mandy, W., & Petrides, K. V. (2017). “Behavioural and cognitive sex/gender differences in autism spectrum condition and typically developing males and females.” Autism, 21(6), 706-727. Link
- Livingston, L. A., Colvert, E., Bolton, P., & Happé, F. (2019). “Good social skills despite poor theory of mind: Exploring compensation in autism spectrum disorder.” Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 60(1), 102-110. Link
- Young, S., et al. (2020). “Females with ADHD: An Expert Consensus Statement Taking a Lifespan Approach Providing Guidance for the Identification and Treatment of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Girls and Women.” BMC Psychiatry, 20, Article 404. Link
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